What Losing My Hair Taught Me About Healthcare for Women
Or better titled:
"How I spent the last two years, thousands of dollars &an embarrassing amount of time cleaning my shower drain trying to figure out what the fuck was happening"
My hair is shedding so much that I have to clean the drain after every shower. . .
If I don't do it, the hair tarantula gets so big that my husband removes it himself. . .
Not into the trash can, obviously. . .
He just tosses it to the side of our shower floor so the water can drain beneath his feet.
Marriage is beautiful.
I'm 37.
I have four kids.
I've lost 80 pounds over the last five years.
And when I say my hair is EVERYWHERE, I mean everywhere.
It's in dinner. My kids don't mind unless it's something they didn't want to eat anyway, in which case suddenly the hair is the perfect excuse to make ramen.
It's on the bathroom floor (meaning also all over the bottom of my feet)
Every brush I own is full. . .
It's in my makeup drawers, on my curling iron, and inside the silk roller thing I bought to avoid heat damage and save my strands. . . ((It never worked))
Maybe I didn't use it right.
I don't know.
At this point, I'm waking up sweating, my fucking shoulder is throbbing, my feet are ice cold, and I don't have the bandwidth to figure out whether I wrapped my hair around a satin tube correctly or to watch the youtube tutorial any longer. . .
HAIR IS everywhere. Except on my head.
My part is widening.
My ponytail was SAD.
So I got extensions.
& TBH I don't mind the extensions. . .
What I mind is that my targeted ads have now gone from creams, shampoos, and oils to hair toppers and wig glue.
NO FUCKING BODY warned me that was the next stop.
(& to the MLM girls: Trust me. I've tried whatever you're selling. I still have unopened bottles under my sink. But the hustle in me, sees the hustle in you. Godspeed.)
THE GREAT SHED
Two years after the Great Shed began and thousands of dollars later, I'm sitting here with a $19 bottle of oil from Target. . .
It was on sale. . . & it has RAVE REVIEWS ON AMAZON.
It's probably the same formula as the $99 bottle still under my sink. . .
But my goal after grabbing a starbucks and the "luxury" laundry beads that are probably going to kill me sooner than later. . .
is to not be bald by 40.
Here's the tour.
My primary care doctor
He told me it was no big deal.
He's a man.
I asked for an oral medication I'd already Googled before I walked into the office and he said "sure." Love him for that.
I was there for my 90 day adhd check in that I've done the last 12 years, but I didn't fully understand what this new med was I was taking or what side effects to watch for.
Picture 30 cars that arrived an hour early to car pickup in front of me in line, another 30 that arrived minutes after I did, and me, suddenly desperate to pee, trying to figure out how to survive the next forty minutes without a bathroom.
I found out the hard way that I needed to understand the medication I was taking.
& for me, it was that was that my bladder would empty at it's own discretion, no amount of kegels could have prevented.
And maybe that's part of the problem.
I wasn't looking for a miracle.
Truly.
I was just looking for an answer.
It kind of feels like those are the same though.
My homeopath
"It's obviously your gut health"
Apparently, my gut was a mess & I was essentially flushing everything out.
No prescription or vitamin was going to help until I fixed that first. I was "flushing hundreds" and I didn't like the sound of that, so I ordered a fiber and probiotic blend.
It's been in my coffee ever since.
Is my gut better?
Maybe. . .
Is my hair better?
We're still here, aren't we . .
My medspa
Girl! Peptides and PRP!
A combination that could potentially help with hair thinning, depending on the cause and the evidence behind the treatment. . .
Great!!
Except I also need Botox and filler, and there's only so much money to go around.
Priorities. . .
You understand, RIGHT?
My hematologist
Hello, it's your anemia.
Ferratin. 3.
Iron. 13.
Hemat 29.6
Hemo 8.3
Feeling confident that after $900 in bloodwork (with insurance), a $700 infusion (with insurance and prior auth) + a mandatory 6 week $400 12-minute follow-up to confirm that everything had "worked"
I lost even more hair.
I sat there thinking, Well, that was an expensive fucking plot twist.
I still didn't know what was happening. . .
My targeted ads
Worst of all, I was unsure.
But the algorithm was confident.
I needed a $100 compounded pill.
A $50 shampoo that I use once a week to clear buildup.
An oil. One to use on my scalp.
Another oil. One to use on my ends.
A vitamin, to take only after 9AM but not with coffee or tea, and not after 9:02AM and with 100% orange juice while also getting sun for my circadium rythm . .
Followed by red light therapy while I stand on a vibrating board to clear all my fucking lymh that is also trying to kill me.
I'm sure, there were approximately seventeen more "SUGGESTIONS" that I don't remember because I was too busy trying to keep my hair attached to my head & keep 4 kids alive & a house tidy & a husband happy & a business afloat, without forgetting to water the ferns, buy the flag football cleats, wash everyone's bedding, buy the all organic lice spray because apparently it's rampant at school, redecorate my porch for fall, meal plan and prep and call my son at college to ask how his day was, because I hadn't heard from him in over 48 hours.
I started wondering if my hair was actually a problem or if I am just the perfect customer for an industry built around making women panic. . .
probably both
WHO THE F IS RIGHT?
This is the part that really gets me. . . .
I got a different answer from nearly every person I paid to help me.
& nobody seemed to have the full picture.
((Some even asked me to let them know what ended up working because they needed it too))
Which is both hilarious and deeply concerning.
Who's right?
The primary?
The specialist?
The dermatologist?
The ARNP?
The medspa?
The person selling hair oil on Instagram?
The $50 shampoo?
The $700 infusion?
The $19 bottle of oil sitting on my bathroom counter?
I wanted ONEEEEE person to look at everything.
My medical history.
My weight loss.
My hormones.
My iron.
My stress.
My medications.
My hair loss.
All of it.
Instead, I kept getting pieces.
& I kept paying for the pieces.
& my hair continued to release itself from me.
I can't even blame it at this point.
EVERYONE WAS LOOKING AT ONE PART OF THE PUZZLE
This is where I started learning something.
There isn't always one single cause of hair loss. . .
SO FUN RIGHT?
Often, there are several things happening at once. . .
One possibility :
telogen effluvium
a type of excessive shedding that can occur when more hair follicles than usual enter the resting phase of the hair cycle.
It can happen after things like:
- Significant weight loss.
- Illness or fever.
- Major stress.
- Childbirth.
- Nutritional deficiencies.
- Certain medical conditions or medications.
And sometimes, more than one of those things is happening at the same time.
Let's check the list, shall we?
Stress? CHECK.
Significant weight loss? CHECK.
Iron deficiency? CHECKKKKKKKKK
Thyroid concerns?
At this point, HIGHLY FUCKING LIKELY, although I still need proper evaluation.
Four kids? CHECK.
the hematologist investigating my iron,
the person telling me to focus on gut health,
& my own stress levels
each person looking at a different piece of the same puzzle. . .
The problem wasn't necessarily that ANYONE was wrong.
It was that nobody was looking at the whole ME.
There's also female-pattern hair loss,
(a common type of progressive thinning)
influenced by genetics and hormonal factors.
It often looks different from sudden, diffuse shedding.
A widening part, thinning at the crown, or reduced hair density can be clues.
And ANOTHER FUN FACT!
you can experience more than one type of hair loss at the same time. . .
Which is incredibly comforting when you're already losing your fucking mind over the amount of hair in your shower.
I'm Asian + mosttt of the older women in my family have very visible scalps & short, practical haircuts after age 35.
Is that my destiny??!?
I don't know.
& that's the point.
I shouldn't have to guess. . .
Nobody explained the difference between the types of hair loss to me.
I had to go find it.
& BEING A WOMAN LOOKS A LOT LIKE THIS
I am a privileged woman.
I have worked VERY hard to call myself that, & HARDER to have others call me that.
I went from being a teen mom on medicaid at 19 with few providers who "could/would" treat us, to LUXURY HEALTHCARE &
people in reddit threads calling me
"The most entitled woman in the world" a badge I wear w/ pride.
I have insurance. An insane deductible. But insurance.
I have a primary care doctor.
I actually have 2 depending on whose wait is longest.
I have access to specialists. . .
I have old classmates with master's degrees in nursing in my DMS.
I have neighbors who are licensed OB-GYNs to chat with.
I have a family friend with more than 30+ years of experience treating women
& she stays on speed dial.
I have the time to make appointments.
I can get labs done. . .
I can pay for treatments. Or at least payment plan them.
& after all of that,
I'm still sitting here
right now.
trying to figure out why my hair is falling out. . .
So what happens to the woman who doesn't have those things??!?!?
The woman who can't take off work for three appointments over the next 2 weeks.
The woman who can't afford the bloodwork. . .
The woman who doesn't even know where to start or which questions to ask. . .
The woman who is told it's stress, or aging, or nothing to worry about,
and goes home feeling like she's being dramatic. . .
Who's helping her?!?
&&&&& why is it so fucking difficult to get a straight answer?
((this isn't just about hair))
What about heavy bleeding?
Painful sex?
Hormonal changes?
Mental health?
Symptoms that affect your everyday life....
but are constantly pushed down the list because they're not considered urgent enough....
THIS IS WHY MADRES EXISTS
Not because we think we have every answer.
WE KNOW WE DON'T.
& not because we want to sell you another bottle of something & tell you it's going to change your life. . .
& definitely not because we think every woman's problem can be solved with hormones. . .
or peptides. . .
or supplements. . .
MADRES exists because women deserve a better starting point.
A place where you can learn about your health in TERMS YOU UNDERSTAND.
Where you can understand the questions worth asking. . . AND HAVE SOMEONE TO ASK.
Where your symptoms, medical history & goals aren't treated like completely separate conversations. . .
Where we share what we know without making you piece together your healthcare from five different offices, a Google search, and the Target haircare aisle.
We can't promise that one questionnaire will uncover every cause of hair loss. . .
& we can't replace a clinician's examination or guarantee a particular treatment. . .
But we CAN help women come to the conversation more informed.
& sometimes, having the right questions is where better care begins
So we built something.
Not a product. Not another $100 cream with a sale banner on it. . .
A 25-question questionnaire that helps you actually organize what's going on with YOUR hair, so you walk into your next appointment already further along than I was two years and thousands of dollars ago.
TAKE THE HAIR LOSS QUESTIONNAIRE
5 minutes. No product pushed on you at the end. Just a starting point.
SO, AM I DOOMED?
I don't actually know yet. . .
Which is a frustrating answer when you're 37, have four kids, and would like to keep the littleeeee remaining hair you've got left.
Right now, I'm testing a peptide, a new iron supplement and a multivitamin.
& learning that those steps alone become a full-time job.
Nothing is fucking simple.
Nothing.
& I still don't have a neat little before-and-after photo to show you of my hair.
No miraculous transformation or a "three weeks later & look at my gorgeous hair" ending.
Just me, right here. .
trying to understand my body,
asking better questions,
and hoping I can help other women avoid spending years feeling like they're the only ones who don't have answers. . .
So to that, if you've experienced hair loss, what did you eventually discover was contributing to it?
Was it your iron?
Your Thyroid?
Hormones?
Stress?
Genetics?
Something else entirely?
What helped?
What didn't?
& did anyone ever actually explain the whole picture to you?
Who was it & how did you find them?
I'd genuinely love to hear. . .
Because if there's one thing I've learned, it's that women shouldn't have to become part-time medical researchers just to get someone to take their symptoms seriously...
& if your hair is currently in your husband's butt crack, too...
I'm sorry.
But at least we're in this together.
&& if you want to organize what YOU'VE been dealing with before your next appointment. . .
take the questionnaire here. Takes about 5 minutes.